CGA commerical about risk management is gibberish

I was sitting on my couch enjoying a glass of VAT 69 when a tv commercial came on that grabbed my attention. It was for Certified General Accountants, and they were talking about risk. I put down my scotch and paused my PVR to watch it again, then I decided I should transcribe the commercial for you. It bugged me. I take my risk management very seriously but this commercial gave me the impression they  figured if they say the word “risk” a few times it will sound like they had some sort of superpower. They have no superpowers. They are only accountants.

(start)

CLOSE UP OF MAN #1’s FACE

If you don’t understand the numbers, risk goes up. End of story.

(Camera pulls back to shot of Man #1 seated in chair in white loft with words “Risk Management” on the screen beside him.

(FEMALE VOICE)

Risk is about…

CLOSE UP OF MAN #2’S FACE

Risk is a guy down the hall with three kids and mortgage.

CLOSE UP OF LADY’S FACE, SHOT OF A DON’T WALKS SIGN, SHOT OF TORONTO EXPRESSWAY

Risk is not knowing.

CLOSE UP OF BALD MAN WITH GLASSES ON HIS FOREHEAD

We think of financial risk, we think of dollars and cents, we think of materials. That that that risk… that’s just nuts and bolts. It’s the people that are behind the risk that you got to really and always be cognizant of.

ANNOUNCER

Certified General Accountants don’t just calculate risk. We help you manage the impact and opportunity that come with it.

FLASH CGA LOGO. GUY WITH GLASSES ON HIS FOREHEAD PUTS THEM ON.

(end)

Calculated risk. Impact. Opportunity.  It’s like some ad guy Googled risk management, copied a few words from ISO 31000 and figured it might sound good. It just sounds like gibberish to me.

Here is a link to the British Columbia version of the ad which oddly has a different message at the end.

http://cwvjf.careers.adicio.com/careers/company/detail/id/454202

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